How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk revolves around the premise of how often people fall for someone only to find later that they have been holding back their “true self” as a “jerk” until we are already hooked emotionally, and then we wonder how we could have possibly missed it earlier, or where we went wrong. He then goes on to elaborate on what it means to be a “jerk.” A jerk can be either the other person, or it can be us. A jerk is someone who, when presented with a flaw or inherent selfishness, refuses to change either for the benefit of the couple or even oneself. Someone who is a jerk to the extreme may be able to hide their selfishness even until marriage.
So what can one do about it? (Hint: read the book.)
(Note: “Jerk” can refer to either a male or a female.)
I happened upon this book last fall while playing around on Amazon.com. I was intrigued, even though I tend to be picky about what books I buy. I now have two hard copies, one for me and one for my teenage son, as well as the Kindle version!)
While I was still just partway through the book, a friend at church started talking about a local class she had taken that is based on this book. These classes are offered all over the U.S. Even better, where I live, the classes are offered free, because they’re sponsored by corporations who have an interest in lower divorce rates. (If you’d like to search for a class near you, try the Love Thinks website. The military in particular likes to sponsor classes based on this book. If you’d like information on the classes given for free in Utah, check this site, and I will also be doing a post on my experience taking it from two different teachers locally.) But whether or not you can find a class local to you, I highly recommend buying the book. I can’t recommend it enough.
Dr. Epp’s book is based on plenty of well-researched studies, all of which are well cited. His “RAM” board (Relationship Attachment Model) has already been helpful to me in analyzing my own past/present relationship mistakes, and in considering the experiences of friends, both positive and negative. About 10-15 of my fellow single’s ward members have taken the class now, some of us twice, and all have given it rave reviews.
You can get the book on Dr. Van Epp’s site by clicking on the picture of the book above, or on Amazon or other major book sellers.
If you have read the book or attended the class and have any comments, for good or for ill, please comment below! Thanks.