LDS Singles

Thriving and Growing as an LDS Single

Book Review: “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk”

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Avoid Jerk

How to Avoid Falling in Love With a Jerk revolves around the premise of how often people fall for someone only to find later that they have been holding back their “true self” as a “jerk” until we are already hooked emotionally, and then we wonder how we could have possibly missed it earlier, or where we went wrong.  He then goes on to elaborate on what it  means to be a “jerk.” A jerk can be either the other person, or it can be us. A jerk is someone who, when presented with a flaw or inherent selfishness, refuses to change either for the benefit of the couple or even oneself.  Someone who is a jerk to the extreme may be able to hide their selfishness even until marriage.

So what can one do about it?  (Hint: read the book.)

(Note:  “Jerk” can refer to either a male or a female.)

I happened upon this book last fall while playing around on  I was intrigued, even though I tend to be picky about what books I buy. I now have two hard copies, one for me and one for my teenage son, as well as the Kindle version!)

While I was still just partway through the book, a friend at church started talking about a local class she had taken that is based on this book. These classes are offered all over the U.S.  Even better, where I live, the classes are offered free, because they’re sponsored by corporations who have an interest in lower divorce rates.  (If you’d like to search for a class near you, try the Love Thinks website.  The military in particular likes to sponsor classes based on this book.  If you’d like information on the classes given for free in Utah, check this site, and I will also be doing a post on my experience taking it from two different teachers locally.)  But whether or not you can find a class local to you, I highly recommend buying the book.  I can’t recommend it enough.

Dr. Epp’s book is based on plenty of well-researched studies, all of which are well cited.  His “RAM” board (Relationship Attachment Model) has already been helpful to me in analyzing my own past/present relationship mistakes, and in considering the experiences of friends, both positive and negative.  About 10-15 of my fellow single’s ward members have taken the class now, some of us twice, and all have given it rave reviews.

You can get the book on Dr. Van Epp’s site by clicking on the picture of the book above, or on Amazon or other major book sellers.

If you have read the book or attended the class and have any comments, for good or for ill, please comment below! Thanks.


Author: pickleclub1971

I'm a single mom of 2: a Southern CA native, who transplanted to Utah 4 years ago. I have one 18 year old who is off to the Ivy League, and one 14 year old who is in high school. I served an LDS Mission to Southern France and I’ve also lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, Idaho, Northern Arizona, and New Hampshire. I love 80’s music, classical music, choral music, playing the piano, singing, speaking what French I still remember, and talking about history and music with whomever will listen. I love that my kids are better at math than I was at their age. (But they still get frequent historical references from me…anyone familiar with Ducky from NCIS? He’s that kind of medical examiner, I’m that kind of mom.) My kids also think I know all the lyrics to all the songs from the 80’s, mainly because I’m good at making them up and faking it when I don’t know. Sometimes they catch me. I’m currently disabled with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I want to get better (of course) and be an advocate for trauma survivors and others with mental illnesses. I like people in general. I suffer from the delusion that I can make everyone my friend, but of course that isn’t possible: but I still believe that the world can be a better place.

One thought on “Book Review: “How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk”

  1. Great info, there is a Facebook page for the Utah County Jerk Class, go Like it!

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