LDS Singles

Thriving and Growing as an LDS Single

from the Mormon Channel: A Conversation with Elder Dallin H. Oaks and his wife, Kristen

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This “Conversation” between Sheri Dew and Elder and Sister Oaks on the Mormon Channel had so much good stuff for singles in it that I thought it a great idea to share it. I’ve had some extra down time while not feeling well this week, so I was also able to give a rough outline of what the broadcast contains. Content that is particularly applicable to singles is italicized and in bold. I highly recommend listening to the whole thing if you can.

If you weren’t already aware, Sister Kristen McMain Oaks is Elder Oaks’ second wife (his first wife passed away) and Kristen was single until she was in her 50’s, so she has a lot to say about being single. She also has her own blog called “My Home Can Be a Holy Place.” 

0:00 Introduction
4:30 Elder Oaks on his mother
8:50 Kristen on her early days: convert to the church, going to primary with her friends
11:15 Elder Oaks on “work first, play later” and his work ethic; what he does in his free time
Kristen on Elder Oaks’ “projects” and togetherness
Elder Oaks’ mother again, on what he learned from her about women and motherhood. “Women can do anything that men can do.”
14:35 Kristen Oaks on marrying Elder Oaks and becoming a part of his large family, and what she’s learned in the ten years of being married to an apostle.
15:35 Kristen on remaining single longer than “normal.” Also, advice to people who are in circumstances not of their choosing.
“The waiting is really sanctifying.”
Challenges are sanctifying (Sister Dew)
17:50 Elder Oaks on losing a spouse and healing
1. sure knowledge of resurrection
2. I had peace that I had done everything I could for my wife (in a medical way, Priesthood blessings etc.)
3. I had been true to my covenants
Also, he wrote a history of his wife’s life. Took him about a year. Helped him process his grief and helped him heal. Helped bring the family together more.
20:00 comments on Elder Oaks’ address on divorce and marriage
How to avoid marrying the wrong person, time in courtship, time seeing them in different situations
Kristen and Elder Oaks on marriage and their courtship
23:00 increasing challenges of getting married
Excerpt and comments on Classic CES fireside from Elder Oaks on hanging out
Simple, inexpensive, and frequent dates
Women: don’t encourage “freeloaders”
To go on a date is not implying a continuing commitment
Letters Elder Oaks has received since that address
27:25 more on dating
Men frightened of young women’s accomplishments
Shy young men
Advice to Jenny Oaks Baker from Marjorie Hinckley
32:15 Elder Oaks’ law school days and what drew him to the law
Foundation the law has given him
34:00 Sister Dew on Elder Oaks’ ability to speak with boldness
Kristen Oaks: he’s very exact in his speech but he’s also tender; she’s also grateful for how he follows the Savior. Elder Oaks: worried to do what is right and not to please other people, and to do it as well as it could be done by me.
39:00 on Elder Oaks becoming President of BYU at age 38, what he learned from the experience, learning from Belle Spafford and other church leaders at the time
42:10 address in 2009 at BYU Idaho on Religious Liberty
45:25 Kristen on some of the criticism received because of that address, and what she learned from it about the Lord wanting us to be truthful, how criticism is hard for her (she was very honest about this)
47:00 the global nature of communication and how it affects Elder Oaks’ remarks
48:50 pervasive nature of pornography, address in General Conference in April 2005;
Counsel for parents, “soft” pornography, counsel for everyone in general, comparison of viewing pornography to smashing a compass while on a ship, love your kids and talk with them, having family dinner together and other “simple” solutions
56:00 “Good, better, best” in terms of family relationships
Bear your testimony to your kids/grandkids. Give kids of yourself.
1:02:20 Marriage and counsel for couples when there are rough spots on the road
Same goals, totally united on where they want to go and what they want to accomplish. Able to tolerate each other on different styles of doing things. They have separate bank accounts and their own toothpaste tubes. Fought about how to rake the leaves, but never fought on the Word of Wisdom. Pray on their knees morning and night. Heavenly Father same foundation, same direction, be flexible about other things than aren’t important.
1:04:58 Advice for those who have busy spouses; on looking past busyness and finding the joy
1:07:00 Advice on studying the Gospel
1:08:45 Moments, experiences, patterns that helped them in the development of their testimony
Testimony and tithing
1:10:50 Elder Oaks: what does it mean to speak for the Lord? (and immense responsibility, the single greatest worry he has, heavy burden, very intense process)
1:14:30 On the time the Oaks spent in the Philippines; how it changed their thinking on the Church in the developing world, which is half the world
1:23:00 The role that women play in the Church
1:26:15 What it means to be an Apostle to the Lord Jesus Christ
1:27:46 On members of the LDS Church being Christian, and how to respond when someone thinks we’re not
1:29:30 What is the one thing you would like to be sure everyone knows about your husband (Elder Oaks), and for Elder Oaks, about your wife Kristen
1:31:00 Parting feelings about the Lord and His Gospel

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True Love SHOULD Be Painful

Seth Adam Smith

For whatever reason, we seem to have this funny idea that love is supposed to be bliss or that when we get married we’ve somehow achieved a state of “happily-ever-after.”

Well, that’s just not true. Love is actually quite painful.

In fact, if you’re doing it right, love, marriage, and family will be the most painful things you’ll ever experience. Not because they’re bad things, but because to love at all means to open yourselves up to vulnerability and pain. And to love someone completely—as you do in marriage—is to put your whole heart on the line.

True love will be painful. True love should be painful.

To be clear, when I say that true love should be painful I am not referring to abusive, obsessive, or co-dependent relationships; those relationships are predicated upon selfishness and will inevitably produce a pain that’s destructive and detrimental.

No, the “painful love” to…

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