LDS Singles

Thriving and Growing as an LDS Single

Review: Alisa Goodwin Snell, Dating Coach/Dating System

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290px-Eugen_de_Blaas_The_FlirtationI first heard of Alisa Goodwin Snell when I read an article written by her for LDS Living.  She advertised some audios at a discounted price, so I bought a few and was really impressed. You can also see one of her articles re-blogged here.

I hesitate to call her “Utah’s Dating Coach,” because I want people to realize that they can access her materials from anywhere. The additional advantage for those in Utah is that they can also meet with her.

I have several friends who have bought her system and even one who has been meeting with her in person.  So, instead of making you hear only from me, two of them (who would like to be called “Bruce” and “Wayne) (yes, they came up with that together) did their own write-ups of what they feel they have gotten from their experience with her system:

from “Wayne”:

I’ve attended every single dating and relationship class I could get my hands on and never had very good results.  I was so familiar with the concepts and principles that I could possibly have taught them myself.  What I was truly lacking was how to put them into practical use.

My roommate and I constantly conversed over how to fall in love and identify when it happens.  You should see the diagrams and written formulas we devised.  We even jokingly agreed to write a book once we both finally got married and we’d title it “Finally!: How we did it”.  We would converse with many other people, married and almost married, and many of the responses to “how did you fall in Love?” usually resulted in “You just know,” or “You just have to find the right one”, or “In God’s time, it’ll just happen”.  And for a person like me who thinks in terms of “I do something – then something happens”, these answers all seem like cop-out platitudes.

Then I saw Alisa Goodwin Snell’s book’s tagline: “It’s not you, it’s your technique”.  Once I saw that line I bought her stuff.  Here was finally some instructions on what to DO and not just philosophy.  She gives instructions on posture, grooming, phraseology, and she even demonstrated them.  I already knew I was a great guy – I’d been told that many times before – I just needed to know the body language do’s and don’ts and so forth.  Now I’m engaged to a gorgeous woman and never been happier.

from “Bruce”:

I have not really applied some other aspects of her specific dating system even though I have read a lot of it of her material in her books and watched her videos.  I like how she presents a very detailed step by step way to approach dating.   

What really pulled me in to her theories is an article she wrote called “He’s amazing and still single – why?”

And her follow up article for the ladies: “He’s amazing and still single, and what can she do about it?” 

When I read the first article I found there were some familiar symptoms in regards to things she was describing that had happened in my previous dating relationships.  

I decided to purchase her seven part audio series to these articles which really helped quite a bit.  She describes anxiety and pressure as things that cause certain men to not be able to bond emotionally with those they date and how their perceptions of past relationships when they were young have them “compare” their current dating relationships with an “idealized” one of the past when they were much younger and it was easier for them to bond emotionally. 

It helped me to perceive more things that had happened in my previous relationships where anxiety had stopped me from feeling positive feelings and allowing me to bond with those I was dating.  

When I had dated these girls in the past I would go through a barrage of all kinds of positive and negative emotions.  It was really hard at the time and I just deduced that if it was this hard over a period of time and I wasn’t bonding with them emotionally then the relationship must not be right.  She helped me realize that it was anxiety and pressure that might have been part of the problem.  She helped me identify different thinking errors that can be factors in regards to anxiety and pressure. 

I’ve been seeing Sister Snell for the last few months for monthly checkups.  I’m currently dating someone right now and I still go through the barrage of positive and negative emotions and there are times where it is VERY HARD and I want to give up because I’m not emotionally engaged with the person I’m seeing at times.  However – I believe that Sister Snell’s theories have some merit and I’ve seen some success where I go through moments of feeling beautiful feelings for the person I am dating.  I trust that if I am persistent and trust in the Lord that I will have success as I try to learn to overcome the anxiety that I will be able to get through it and develop a bond with the person I am dating. 

 I don’t “know” for sure that this is the correct path that I’m on but I believe and have faith that I am on the right path because of some of the things I’ve seen and learned along the way.  

I really feel like Thomas Edison in his lab trying to get the light bulb or in my case “positive feelings and emotional bonding” to not only work – but to stay on longer and to get brighter.  Edison didn’t really know what to do – but he tried different things in faith and persisted.  He did not give up and he saw little successes along the way and we have the light bulb we have today because of Edison.

You can currently access her “Lasting Love Academy” for free for 7 days.  Alisa emphasizes that they don’t even ask for a credit card or debit card, so you won’t have to worry about cancelling anything.  I just signed up today to have a look.  One thing I’ve really enjoyed about her materials so far is the sheer breadth of topics that she covers: dating after a divorce, when to introduce children, how to recognize red flags (lots on that, and very helpful…not the typical short list that you might usually get), how to take advantage (in a good way) of being in a single’s ward, when to bring up difficult subjects, and on and on.  I also got to take a look at “Wayne’s” materials and was impressed by the emphasis on setting achievable personal goals that will help no matter what kind of success you have at dating, and the gospel ideal of faith being more important than fear.

If you’re hesitant to try, I would recommend at least doing the 7 Day Trial and/or listening to my favorite audio,

Avoid settling — create your Top-Ten List

I had a roommate who owned a “Dr. Phil” book with the same topic which I thought was very helpful, and I like Alisa’s version even more! I would still recommend the Dr. Phil book if you stumble upon it, but there are aspects of how she asks you to go about making your “list” that are different and more specific than his, especially for those who are LDS.

You should be able to find answers to your questions through links above, but again, here are the most helpful links to her material:

Alisa Goodwin Snell’s website, It’s not you, It’s Your Technique, where you can also find big red buttons to sign up for 7 free days of access to her online materials. (And she’s not paying me, or asking me to do this.)

It’s Not You, It’s Your Technique: Alisa Goodwin Snell

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Author: pickleclub1971

I'm a single mom of 2: a Southern CA native, who transplanted to Utah 4 years ago. I have one 18 year old who is off to the Ivy League, and one 14 year old who is in high school. I served an LDS Mission to Southern France and I’ve also lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, Idaho, Northern Arizona, and New Hampshire. I love 80’s music, classical music, choral music, playing the piano, singing, speaking what French I still remember, and talking about history and music with whomever will listen. I love that my kids are better at math than I was at their age. (But they still get frequent historical references from me…anyone familiar with Ducky from NCIS? He’s that kind of medical examiner, I’m that kind of mom.) My kids also think I know all the lyrics to all the songs from the 80’s, mainly because I’m good at making them up and faking it when I don’t know. Sometimes they catch me. I’m currently disabled with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I want to get better (of course) and be an advocate for trauma survivors and others with mental illnesses. I like people in general. I suffer from the delusion that I can make everyone my friend, but of course that isn’t possible: but I still believe that the world can be a better place.

2 thoughts on “Review: Alisa Goodwin Snell, Dating Coach/Dating System

  1. Another excellent post by Rachel, here’s my review:

    I do think at times these approaches can become too formulaic and you have to be careful not to lose the Spirit. Imagine if everybody had attended this class wouldn’t we all look at each other a little funny and say ,”hey stop acting and just be yourself.”

    In my opinion and from what I’ve seen of the adult singles wards the biggest challenge is not technique but fear. I used to be afraid to ask women out for a date I just realized that you have to just suck it up and take the chance of being rejected and get out there and ask for the date. I think people can benefit from this program but I wouldn’t necessarily expect it to change your life.

    I’m glad to hear for the person who is getting married to his dream girl,, if I am guessing correctly they were meant for each other regardless of training lol.

    I would caution people to avoid paralysis by analysis, in other words, being so obsessed with the goal that you overthink it.That can ace you out of a lot of dates, because you’re just worried about every possible detail and you’re not letting the spirit flow.

    Don’t “use the force” or get too caught up in the technique just ask.Remember Kiss. Keep it simple, sailor? Right?

  2. Thanks Jim! While I do agree with you to a certain extent, I think the techniques can help people get over their fears more quickly than perhaps they would on their own. That’s my take on it, anyway, Coincidentally, I’m listening to Alisa’s audio “Prevent Self-Fulfilling Prophecies: Discover the truth about your fears” while checking this. I think you’re someone who is willing to keep asking people out and take chances, but from what I know of these two friends who contributed their stories (and so many more of us), Alisa’s techniques can help a lot. In my opinion, her “techniques” cover a lot more ground than most of the dating advice that we usually hear. So, people may need to look at her materials to figure out what it is that could be helpful to them individually, but I think her materials will have more to offer, by far, than the average book on dating.

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